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Wednesday, March 16, 2011


I looked around me once to check. The security guard had just turned around the corner. Behind me, the camera was still aimed directly on the picture, and there were still a bunch of tourists. But that didn't matter any more.

My bladder was ready.

My hands shot out and grabbed the frame. As alarms blared out, I lifted it of the stand and slammed the Mona Lisa to the ground. The glass shattered after the third hit. I saw the first two guards run in and shot them both in the thighs. The next one got in the chest. I didn't have time to aim, as I was fiddling with my zip.

The coast was clear. And then...



I gave my willy a little shake to get rid of the last drops, and couldn't help but smile as the piss soaked through the painting. By now, the barriers had come all the way down, but it didn't matter. I reached into my pouch and pulled out a pen. One click, then two more, then one more and I threw it at the wall.


No more wall. Heh, had to thank Moni for that Birthday present. Passes any kind of security check.

I ran through the hole and down the corridor, towards the staff stairwell. One the way, I ran into a few more guards. I tackled into the first one, sending the two of us sprawling onto the ground. Even before we hit the floor, my fist had caved his temple in. I then got up to catch a police baton, pulling the guard in and using him as a man shield against a series of tasers.

My fingers still tingling, I reached into the now unconscious guard's belt and pulled out his own taser, zapping one guard in the neck and another in the face before I carried on running.

At that point... 

Argh! What the hell. Where am-

Yeah, I got jolted in the ass and he got loose for a moment. But I kicked him back inside and carried on. I turned around and pulled out a tiny knife that I had managed to smuggle in, and threw it into the last guard's right eye.

And then finally, the entrance to the stairwell was in front of me. Once in, I ran up to the lower basement, jumping into the hummer I had ready and parked. Lovely little tank a hummer is, its like they made it for breaking through roadblocks. Which I was doing as I was hastily wearing the scuba gear I had stowed in the side seat.

Roadblocks are really fun by the way. Two to  three cars and about half-a-dozen stupidly suicidal cops. I mean, these guys don't even use a spike strip. You think doing it on a T.V. screen is fun (not that I'm saying it isn't) but come on, try it in REAL LIFE. Its something else.  

Breaking through another one (yay!), I finally had the Seine in sight. The Seine by the way, is France's competition to the Thames, which I personally think is a way classier river. Trust me, I've been in both.


I shouldn't have said that, it kinda ruined it.

So long story short, I crashed the hummer into the Seine and then swam away before the cops would figure out where I had gone. I know I make this sound easy, but trust me, with the French it actually is.

Good times.

I've come to realize something. He hates me a lot, he really does. I... well, so do I. And he wants to kill me and I-

And I...

I don't know about that any more.

If I kill him, then whose button do I push. Who else's life could I completely destroy and then sit back and watch the fireworks? If I try someone else, then I know they will die under the pressure. Cause I will kill them. 

But him? I can't kill him. I need him. I need the freakin' bastard cause at the end of the day, he can still throw a joke, even if it sucks. And if he's not there, then who am I better than? You?

Of course I'm better than you.

But he. He can be a challenge sometimes. And every time I do something, it always is fun. He's never let me down that way.

I need him?

Fuck this, I don't know what the hell I'm saying. Just, just shut and let me...


He's in the room right now, and I know I can keep him in there for at least a few more hours. But you can not tell him anything I just told you. You can not.

You have to promise me.

Or I'll kill you.

I can't? Try me.

(gun clicks, trigger pulled, shot is fir-)





Hi! Let's hope you weren't as irritating as the last guy.... guess we have a lot to catch up on. Long story short...

Ah, I don't have time for this.

(gun clicks, trigg-)

Hey! Look at this! The first guy's still alive! Hold on, let me patch him up a bit, I think we can save him. That way I won't have to waste time explaining everything to you. 

Come on, get over hear. Now hold this right there, yeah don't let it go.


Good job! You'd make a nurse proud. Let me know when he's conscious, then I can carry on.





You're good? You can here me? Are you fine? Excellent. Well I guess that means we don't need this guy anymore.

(gunshot, body falls)

Now, where were we?

Oh yeah. Well, the truth is that this guy means something to me after all. I couldn't let him die because I needed him. And now, even though I could try to get rid of him, I don't wanna. I mean, I want to, but at the same I don't want to.

You get me?

Sigh, of course you don't. Just go and get some sleep. You look like you need it.

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